ab imo pectore

THE BITCH

WISHFULTHINKING

| shower me with coach hunny and serenade a love song to me|

EXITS

SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

THE DEADLY PAST

June 2005
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LUSTS

LOVE OF MY LIFE

i miss kc

besties <3

godsisters (:

some kinda magic

my babyy

my laughing gas

sexaye!

BFF <3

it's ladies night

sch's fun with them around

my leading ladies (:

hits since 22nd November 2006

Friday, June 29, 2007

7:28 PM

i have no clue what is going on with me.i seemingly just somehow feel that everything and everyone is just against me.something is just not right.i am not myself.i have just been feeling really blue lately these past few days.and the fact that certain people are irritating the hell out of me is really not helping.funny how many people cannot tell my emotions as i would usually just keep that straight face and keep everything bottled up inside.snapping only at my breaking point at whoever is irritating me at that spur of that moment.though i apologize to whoever i did such to.maybe i just need more rest nowadays.i need something more substantial to live my life upon rather than that same old three things which everyone claims are terribly bad.i am sorry but i just cannot help it.i wish that there will no longer be anymore blockages in life.sometimes i feel that once ive hit one it is just so hard for me to bounce back from it.then again.that's life.right?

it's never that easy

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Sunday, June 24, 2007

4:49 AM

aaron is nice.he went to johor and came back with a box of twenty donuts for you.how sweet.thank you boy.i couldnt resist eating them straight away.heh.i'm starting to feel like im the black sheep of the cell group.somehow or rather.i guess the cell members are just so bloody protected that they dont know quite a number of things that it seems almost taboo to mention such stuff in front of them.such can in fact result in many seemingly awkward moments which are at sometimes just really uncomfortable in the end.anyway finally met up with yunxuan yesterday and boy was it helluva fun.though that girl made me wait for so long.but owells.what can possibly be better than a night out bitching and having dinner with my old tennis doubles partner.i love you girl.meeting my bestfriend this friday.happiness.anyway school starts tomorrow.i miss the people but i dont quite miss the lecturers and the ambience.shunks.

i love this girl

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

2:09 AM

i just found this in my comp.alright all my classmates would say im slow but yea.i just realised that it is pretty funny indeed.and the history of school repeats itself again on monday.bugger.i miss you jac darling.meet up soon (:

all the wrong things which we learn in school

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

10:54 AM

i really learnt that it is really important for one to appreciate the people around them especially those loved ones and friends.they are the ones who would lift you up when you are down,to carry you through your problems,to be there for you or just to simply make you smile or laugh.just reached home not too long ago.had a lovely time shishaing with my classmates.it was a great way for us to bond.not to mention indochine after that was effing good.though i still have to admit that i so suck at drinking beer as it just makes me feel overtly bloated.i noticed that i always get this same old nostalgic feeling everytime i hear a live band perform.it never fails to make me think back and suddenly start to embrace the good times which i had with my friends.maybe that's why i dig live bands so much.this holidays have been pretty good so far.managed to catch up with many people.though i still have yet to meet up with my girlfriends like after God knows how many months.gosh it is only when you are no longer with the ones you cherish most that's when you just embrace every moment spent with them.anyways mel darling send me the pics girl.hopefully my plan to head down to little india will fall through soon.right aaron?HAHA.

my new found secret to clearing my mind

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Monday, June 18, 2007

12:51 AM

i want to learn diving,i want to learn diving,i really want to learn diving.my new resolution for myself.start swimming at least three to four times a week.i have to get better by october.note the word is i HAVE to get better by october.ok or maybe by february next year.crap i cant believe that i had wanted to get my cert since late last year but the same old usual procrastination kicked in.damn i wish i can for once just stop fulfil one of my i have to learn this list.crap.if only i could

to be able to see such face to face.i bet the feeling must be surreal

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Sunday, June 17, 2007

10:31 AM

my friend's adorable.he's the first person i know who wrote a press release for his house.LOVE your house boy! (:

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

12:39 AM

i know that i may sound so slow but after watching farenheit 9/11 i must say that my attitude and the way i see george bush now is completely different.i find it awfully sad to see innocent children suffering for no reason.it's a pity that most do not know about their human rights.i hope someone out there would help them and teach them the things that they do not know.

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pay the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

where is the love?

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Saturday, June 09, 2007

9:22 AM

looking back i noticed that in life pride has always gotten the better of me.i know i could have mended many friendships and relationships but it was just cause of my damn pride that ruined everything.i swear looking back i am kinda just filled with regret.i realised my life could have been so much better.i would not need to fret about that many things,get paranoid over events and actually be happier.a close friend of mine also pointed this exact same negative trait about me.i dont know i am really trying to change this.for me somehow just to say the two words "im sorry" takes a great deal of strength and courage to say it.it was actually also because of this pride of mine in which i have somehow lost a really dear friend of mine.i feel stupid now in fact.why cant i ever admit that im wrong.is it really that hard?

sorry seems to be the hardest word

there's so many questions i want to know.but there seems to be no answer

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Thursday, June 07, 2007

1:40 AM

ive not stepped out of my house since tuesday.aaron thinks i have no life.right.i need to stop procastinating.i have been wanting to start studying for journalism since 2:45pm but guess what it's almost five right now.alright this is getting way bad.owells.i kinda feel a huge surge or satisafaction within me.having been smoke free for a week.i must say that the illness came in blessing in disguise.funny how things can be aye.it's been four days since dad has been gone.i cant wait for monday now.lets hope he bought me something.crap i am starting to sound like a five year old who's dad has gone away and all she can think of is what new present will i have.well i guess this shows that i am still a child at heart.heh.counting down to the days till my holidays start.one more day.but it's only for a measly two weeks.i am starting to envy jac's lovely holiday now.my bestfriends and i are seemingly starting to drift apart.this is bad.i must make it a point for us to meet up really soon.i noticed that once you lose something you would try by all means to make up for that missing patch.like how now i am turning to all sorts of wierd things ever since ive ceased cigarettes.snacking,drinks,cards.shit this is so bad when i reflect on it.i am starting to feel bad nowadays when people go "hey jessica" on msn and i ask who they are.i think i am suffering from selective retention.

ignorance is bliss

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

3:36 AM

i realised that happiness comes with achievement.or so that was how i felt today when it dawned upon me that hey i knew how to do the media and society exam.yes you have no idea.all i need now is some kinda fabulous results which hopefully i will somehow or rather get.after more than five days and i needed to take my dengue test again.i am looking like some kinda druggie now with all those holes in my arms and hands.what's more is that due to the holes my arms and hands have becomed pretty bruised indeed.now you can imagine the kind of response which i would get say if i walk into a club which is having a raid right about now.yes off to the jail cell i go.well at least it's good to know that my marks on myself is somehow or rather producing some kind of effect.in a pretty warped up way.i am starting to take pleasure in poker cards.such simplicity yet such great fun.the manipulation of cards in your hands can somehow make time pass by in a flash.the fabulous work of art in your hand.i must say whoever invented this did a great job.it is classic.a great time killer.a great waste of my time indirectly.now i know why gambling is addictive.as come one even just to roughly fiddle with them in your hands.the fun just wont stop coming.i sound like im having some kind of card fetish.wth.but owells.i have finally decided to take everyday as it comes.next up friday's journalism exam.how screwed can i possibly get.

the art of card manipulation

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Monday, June 04, 2007

11:36 PM

it's been almost a week.yet i am still sick.blast.exams starts tomorrow.i know nuts about the subject.someone please tell me how screwed i am.people tell me that i should calm down and not give myself that much stress.am i really?i swear my subjects are overwhelming.i dont quite get everything.though i am TRYING desperately to understand.will we actually use such theories and all in the future.i highly doubt so.i am seeking nirvana now.though i highly doubt ill find it.i need something that will truly make me happy.unlike these few days where i just feel so down.urgghhh the horror.my lecture notes has just somehow disappeared how wth.do objects really have legs and are able to walk?!my friends tell me that i am dellusional.shit i think it is really true.

if only you knew

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Sunday, June 03, 2007

1:38 AM

rubik cubes are pieces of crap dont buy them as youll end up killing yourself with them like me.trust me.im going utterly mad with mine already

I think I could like you
I already do
Feelings can grow but
They can go away too
You're takin my hand
Lookin into my eyes
Don't be in a rush to
Get me tonight

Feel somethin happenin
Could this be a spark?
To satisfy me baby
Gotta satisfy my heart

Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?
Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

I think I could like you
But I keep holding back
Cause I can't seem to tell
If you're fiction or fact
Show me you can laugh
Show me you can cry
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside

Do you feel somethin happenin?
Could this be for real?
I don't know right now but tonight we'll reveal

Bring me some flowers
Conversation for hours
To see if we really connect
And baby if we do
Ooh I'll be givin all my love to you
Ohh

You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favourite part. We'll skip the goodbyes

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Saturday, June 02, 2007

10:01 PM

blood test and i got jabbed on the top of my hand instead of my arm thanks to the fact that the nurse could not find my vein.yes tell me how what the hell it is please.getting highly irritated as my skin card has not arrived yet

doing it the cliche macbook way (:

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;

Friday, June 01, 2007

3:00 AM

i feel like i am dying seriously.with a temperature of 39.7 please shoot me right now.why must i always be the unlucky jinxed one who always falls sick before the exam.worst still is that i may be having dengue.talk about a triple blow.i want to do well for my exams.but low and behold i am fading in and out of consiousness even as i type this post.i am sorry jac and all for not being able to make it tonight.i hope you understand.i hate doing last minute cancellations.i am sorry.everything seems to bleak right now.yet all i want to know is why?

trapped within my utmost fears and my darkest desires

Ysome hearts are meant to be broken;;